letting go

I love flowers. They're lovely. And they are always smiling at me. I used to pick them up and hold them in my hands. And when days passed, they withered and died. I felt sad. I later learned to put them in a vase filled with water. And when days passed, they wilted and died. I felt sad. So let them stay where they are, letting them grow and feel the sunshine and the rain. But when the days passed, they died... They always die. And I thought, that's sad. There's nothing I could do about it except to feel sad. There's nothing I could do but to accept it. Yes, that's frustrating. I went through a series of make-believe and I raised my hope too much. I just wanted to hold on to life. But I ended up hurt and frustrated. I guess it was that time that I learned the word impossible. Even when I pray so much, even when I keep wishing at each star that fall at night (which is very rare by the way), even when I will to keep them alive, the truth remains the same- they die. And it seems to be the same with every little thing, every place and every circumstances. We are all gonna have to let go in time. And there's nothing I could do but accept that certain truth. And I felt sad.

We are like flowers. We are cultivated. Tested through the heat of the sun, the rush of fierce wind and the heavy downpour of water from the sky. Yet in every sunny day we get to bloom, to open up and show our wonderful colors and smile to the world. We all get to do our purpose-- to give happiness. We get to live our lives beautifully... And then we wilt, we droop, we wither, we shrink, and eventually will fade away. The difference is that when flowers die, they die. When we die, we live.

Life isn't just about smiles and laughters even though we want to look it that way. Life is also about tears and griefs. Life isn't just about living. Life is also about dying. If not for death, how would we ever realize we are alive? And if not for death, how would we ever experience the promised eternal life? We have to accept certain truths. Accept that we are all passers by. Accept that God has better and bigger plans for us we'll never know until it's time. Accept that the world we are living is just a part of the bigger picture God wants us to see.  And when we begin to see, we begin to understand. We understand that life is a series of ups and downs. That we need to survive both times. We get hurt because we hold on so much to certain things we deem very important. We are afflicted everytime things get out of control. We get weary when we work so hard and every sacrifice we give becomes futile. We get broken when we fail and when people we love fail us. We do all things in the name of love. Love for everyone and everything important to us. We get hurt when we lose grasps of these things. But they are but little part of eternity God has prepared for us. Things exists so we could learn the art of letting go. We should learn to hold on in order to let go. Thus, we should learn to let go. Let go of that fear of letting go. Just let go. Let it be. Let God... He didn't ask us to let go of the love. He asked us to let go of the things and hold on to love. Because everytime we let go, we learn to trust in Him. And our faith grows. Why does it come last to understand God's way?

I am one of those who find it hard to understand the meaning of life. I don't even know what's the meaning of my life as of the moment. But I'm living. I get broken and shattered but I'm living. Amidst life's chaos and uncontrollable commotion, I felt how painful and how beautiful it is to let go. Just let go... It doesn't mean I gave up my life or the people I love. I'm holding on to them and they will remain in my heart forever. I just want to live in way that it should be lived. I'm letting His Hand guide me through the days of my life. I can't see ahead. I have fears. But what makes me keep walking is the assurance that He will never forsake me. I have experienced God's omnipotence once more. How can I not trust? He always lets me fall and I could not understand why. It was just then that I realized He wants me to notice my wings and fly high and soar with Him. When we let go, we learn how to fly.

I know that there will be greater pains ahead. There will be worst of worst. And I know I will perish. I know these truths and I know its gonna hurt and that's sad. But I've never felt so happy being sad. Because life is more than that I know of. I might be capable of hurting but I am also capable of loving. And God will be with me throughout these days and i know I'll get the comfort that I need until my last breath.