the retreat
It had been a wonderful weekend. We went to Mariaholm for a retreat, a SFL-organized event which was a success. The place as Ian described it, 'heaven'. I felt refreshed and renewed. And I've come to know that the invisible areas of my life have come to surface which I knew, in need of serious attention. There were a lot of fresh faces and they were all nice. I wish I had enough time to get to know them all, like really know them. I've known some and I was really happy to meet people sharing the same faith and seeking the only One who can fill the emptiness inside us. Though I really wished I did more, come out of my shell and get to know people. I'm still shy... and silent. I knew, in time, I'll be able to get over with myself. Especially when Someone is working in me to make me better.
The crowd was split in two- the Vineyard and Discovery Weekend. We were on the Discovery Weekend, luckily, Glogie, Ian, and Rhea were with me along with the others (yeah, the half of the crowd which was like 30 or something). We were all new in the group. The first talk was about discovering your PURPOSE. I've met the question a few times and up to now, I'm still not sure of what He wants me to be. I can be clear of what I wanted, but what I wanted may or may not be what He wants my life to be. So, as for the moment, I'd stick on to making Him smile. My goal is to reach heaven, to see Him at the end of my journey waiting, and to bring as many souls as I can. I know it will be difficult. Well, who said it's gonna be easy? It will be difficult, and painful, but, it's worth living. I cried during the reflection. I've realized things which was burried deep down inside of me. I was thinking, could I have lived my life better? And then as I felt that painful regret that I haven't been the best, of not making Him proud, I decided to start giving my all at all areas of my life. It was Steph who gave the talk and I was really grateful to have heard all of what she has to share. When real people talk of real experience, it inspires me more.
The second talk was about discovering your PASSION. It was Joy who discussed to us what passion really is. I knew my passion from the moment I was able to think. I knew I was designed to write. I mean, writing can keep me up all night and can be the reason I'll be waking up next morning. However, I knew, my life isn't just about it. While I thought that it consumed most me, it is in fact, a very little part of my existence. My passion on any thing should start with Him. Because i've realized that as I am filled with His presence, my passion for any other things were all blotted out. And I felt more satisfied.
The third talk was discovering your PAIN. Of all talks, this was the heaviest...for me. It's not easy talking about pain when you actually feel it, when you feel it's presence is within you and the last thing you want is talk about it. But then, I had to go through it. Nanay Amy was the one who gave the talk. And just as she said "You will never discover your joy unless you acknowledge your pain and deal with it." So, I had to acknowledge it. Ice shared about her heartbreak and I could feel her pain. She looked happy everytime I see her, I didn't realize she's going through a lot, too. I just wish time will be able to heal her. And then Phoebe shared too. And I felt my heart being squeezed as I heard her story. I could see the child in her, yearning for love. And I felt so grateful having met someone whose heart is so pure that is still capable of loving despite of hurting. I really wanted to hug her but I couldn't make myself move because I was crying. Then, we were given a piece of paper to write three people who have caused us pain and three incidences of our lives that brought ud pain. I wrote the most painful ones. Some, I'm over with and some, I'm still going through. And I couldn't stop my tears from flowing as I wrote those because I could really feel like my chest were forced open and I felt that raw pain which really hurt. I used all my facial tissues and still, tears flow, like it never would end. I fear that I would breakdown. There was an urge to get out there and cry myself out in the bathroom. But soon, Nanay Amy, prayed for us, a healing prayer which made me calm. I could still feel the pain, yet, I was able to control my sobs. I had a lot of fears, a lot of worries about home and all but as I lay them all down, I learned that I was never alone facing them. I've always had companions and at that very moment, I had new people sharing the same prayer.And as i prayed for strength to bear my pain, I pray for them all to be healed and all the people out there who might be suffering.
The next talk was about discovering your PLEASURE. It was a jolly discussion with Kuya Pao. The only talk I did not shed tears. "Our highest form of pleasure is God." God gave us the gift to feel happy and we ought to discover the little pleasures in life He had set before us everyday. There is pleasure in everything, even in suffering. When we find that real pleasure starts with God, we would want nothing but share it to others. It is when we give more of ourselves that we begin to realize the pleasure of giving. "Less for me, more for others, enough for everyone."
And the last talk from Ryn was about discovering your POWER. From the very beginning of her talk, words struck me deep. We are powerful beings because we were made in the likeness of God. In Him, we find our strength, in Him, we got our power. We might be different from each other but each one of us has our own gifts to share. Our weaknesses frustrates us but we should remember that by overcoming it, we were made strong. The things that make us weak separate us from God so we should be aware of it and find strength in Him. I wish I could write all Ryn had said but it would take a long time. It left me feeling hopeful and feeling better of myself. I knew that everyone in that room felt strengthened, renewed and inspired. I really felt grateful that God made arrangements for us to be there. Whenever we praise and worship Him, giving ourselves in songs and prayers, I really felt His presence, like He is just near. When we had the anticipated mass on the Saturday night, I was even more grateful. And I knew, He is all I needed. Everything I needed.
I hoped everyone had fun. Well, I think everyone had. We all had a good laugh during the party. It's really a great experience. And I got a letter :). Letters actually. There was Glogie's letter and six more. We had envelopes outside. I wrote a lot too. Too bad, I didn't know we can be anonymous senders. Not that it mattered, but, I guess, only Glogie and I didn't know the drill. haha!... Well, at least next time, well know. Glogie's letter brought me to tears... And I just felt grateful that we are together. And another letter brought me to tears too. I don't know whom it came from. But I was overwhelmed by the concern. So whoever it came from, and all the other letters too, I pray that God be with you all. May we grow in love with Him everyday. :) Thank you all for that very very very nice weekend.
The crowd was split in two- the Vineyard and Discovery Weekend. We were on the Discovery Weekend, luckily, Glogie, Ian, and Rhea were with me along with the others (yeah, the half of the crowd which was like 30 or something). We were all new in the group. The first talk was about discovering your PURPOSE. I've met the question a few times and up to now, I'm still not sure of what He wants me to be. I can be clear of what I wanted, but what I wanted may or may not be what He wants my life to be. So, as for the moment, I'd stick on to making Him smile. My goal is to reach heaven, to see Him at the end of my journey waiting, and to bring as many souls as I can. I know it will be difficult. Well, who said it's gonna be easy? It will be difficult, and painful, but, it's worth living. I cried during the reflection. I've realized things which was burried deep down inside of me. I was thinking, could I have lived my life better? And then as I felt that painful regret that I haven't been the best, of not making Him proud, I decided to start giving my all at all areas of my life. It was Steph who gave the talk and I was really grateful to have heard all of what she has to share. When real people talk of real experience, it inspires me more.
The second talk was about discovering your PASSION. It was Joy who discussed to us what passion really is. I knew my passion from the moment I was able to think. I knew I was designed to write. I mean, writing can keep me up all night and can be the reason I'll be waking up next morning. However, I knew, my life isn't just about it. While I thought that it consumed most me, it is in fact, a very little part of my existence. My passion on any thing should start with Him. Because i've realized that as I am filled with His presence, my passion for any other things were all blotted out. And I felt more satisfied.
The third talk was discovering your PAIN. Of all talks, this was the heaviest...for me. It's not easy talking about pain when you actually feel it, when you feel it's presence is within you and the last thing you want is talk about it. But then, I had to go through it. Nanay Amy was the one who gave the talk. And just as she said "You will never discover your joy unless you acknowledge your pain and deal with it." So, I had to acknowledge it. Ice shared about her heartbreak and I could feel her pain. She looked happy everytime I see her, I didn't realize she's going through a lot, too. I just wish time will be able to heal her. And then Phoebe shared too. And I felt my heart being squeezed as I heard her story. I could see the child in her, yearning for love. And I felt so grateful having met someone whose heart is so pure that is still capable of loving despite of hurting. I really wanted to hug her but I couldn't make myself move because I was crying. Then, we were given a piece of paper to write three people who have caused us pain and three incidences of our lives that brought ud pain. I wrote the most painful ones. Some, I'm over with and some, I'm still going through. And I couldn't stop my tears from flowing as I wrote those because I could really feel like my chest were forced open and I felt that raw pain which really hurt. I used all my facial tissues and still, tears flow, like it never would end. I fear that I would breakdown. There was an urge to get out there and cry myself out in the bathroom. But soon, Nanay Amy, prayed for us, a healing prayer which made me calm. I could still feel the pain, yet, I was able to control my sobs. I had a lot of fears, a lot of worries about home and all but as I lay them all down, I learned that I was never alone facing them. I've always had companions and at that very moment, I had new people sharing the same prayer.And as i prayed for strength to bear my pain, I pray for them all to be healed and all the people out there who might be suffering.
The next talk was about discovering your PLEASURE. It was a jolly discussion with Kuya Pao. The only talk I did not shed tears. "Our highest form of pleasure is God." God gave us the gift to feel happy and we ought to discover the little pleasures in life He had set before us everyday. There is pleasure in everything, even in suffering. When we find that real pleasure starts with God, we would want nothing but share it to others. It is when we give more of ourselves that we begin to realize the pleasure of giving. "Less for me, more for others, enough for everyone."
And the last talk from Ryn was about discovering your POWER. From the very beginning of her talk, words struck me deep. We are powerful beings because we were made in the likeness of God. In Him, we find our strength, in Him, we got our power. We might be different from each other but each one of us has our own gifts to share. Our weaknesses frustrates us but we should remember that by overcoming it, we were made strong. The things that make us weak separate us from God so we should be aware of it and find strength in Him. I wish I could write all Ryn had said but it would take a long time. It left me feeling hopeful and feeling better of myself. I knew that everyone in that room felt strengthened, renewed and inspired. I really felt grateful that God made arrangements for us to be there. Whenever we praise and worship Him, giving ourselves in songs and prayers, I really felt His presence, like He is just near. When we had the anticipated mass on the Saturday night, I was even more grateful. And I knew, He is all I needed. Everything I needed.
I hoped everyone had fun. Well, I think everyone had. We all had a good laugh during the party. It's really a great experience. And I got a letter :). Letters actually. There was Glogie's letter and six more. We had envelopes outside. I wrote a lot too. Too bad, I didn't know we can be anonymous senders. Not that it mattered, but, I guess, only Glogie and I didn't know the drill. haha!... Well, at least next time, well know. Glogie's letter brought me to tears... And I just felt grateful that we are together. And another letter brought me to tears too. I don't know whom it came from. But I was overwhelmed by the concern. So whoever it came from, and all the other letters too, I pray that God be with you all. May we grow in love with Him everyday. :) Thank you all for that very very very nice weekend.
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