after another thought
It's been a while... It's actually a long, long while since I've written something on my page and I must admit I really missed doing what I'm doing right now. There are a lot of thoughts I wanted to write and I'm gonna write them all when I have time. For now, I would like to share what is in my heart.
I have been crying yesterday. I felt unwanted, rejected and unappreciated. I was hurt and it is beyond words to define. I never felt worse in my life. And just like I have used to do when I'm in pain, I knelt down and talked to God. I told Him how I felt. All the negative things in my mind, I blurted it out. People just can be merciless sometimes. Or maybe, I was too sensitive. I was too hurt and I don't know how to deal with it. Much more, I don't know how to deal with the people who made me feel less the person that I am. I felt horrible and no good word can ever comfort me. I even wanted to be alone forever. If I don't meet people then they can never hurt me. And that would do me good.
Good. But selfish. Which makes it not good in any other way. And I thought, I give up on people, I cannot feel kindness in them anymore. I felt so down I could almost feel wound in my own soul. And so I prayed, "Lord, teach my heart to be humble and let me love them as You do."
And just today, I received a letter from God, ( I signed up for Godwhispers and God sends His message through email ) which warmed my heart. "You should hear me talk about you, Frailyn. I endlessly talk about how wonderful you are to the Angels." And something magical happened. After feeling so so so down, I am lifted up. Suddenly, I felt different towards the depression I was carrying and found myself ashamed to God. How could I let people bring me down when God thinks highly of me? God created me that's why I am here. And He designed my life according to His magnificent plan. I may not be what people wanted me to be but I can be what God wants me to be because He made me. He knows me. And He created me for a special purpose that nobody but I can only do. He made us all different because He has different purpose for our lives for His greater glory. I am part of the creation and I ought to remember that always.
Much more to my heart's delight, the Gospel for today just told me what God wants to say, Luke 6:27-38 " "But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
To him who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from him who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt.
Give to every one who begs from you; and of him who takes away your goods do not ask them again. And as you wish that men would do to you, do so to them.
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again.
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the selfish.
Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For the measure you give will be the measure you get back."
And that made this day, a beautiful day. And as I kneel down to pray tonight, I shall offer Him thanks and praise for the person that I have become today. I can choose to dwell on my hurt and carry it for as long as I like but what good will it do to me? Today, I realized that people come to your life to test you, to test your heart to see how much it is capable of loving. A part of me wants to give up pleasing people who always do worse things to you. But after another thought, I shouldn't even consider it. I can never survive being alone, because I wasn't made to be alone. I am to complete a part of Christ's body in which all of us is a part including those people who have hurt me. So, the only way to live is to have a heart that is capable of loving despite hurting. Just as Jesus did. They must've not noticed it, but they need me. And I must've not noticed it but I need them too. So, I'm gonna try my best to have a heart just like Christ's. It would be a difficult mission, but it isn't impossible if He works in me. After all, at the end of my life's journey what matters isn't how many times I've stood up for myself, but how many times I've stood up for others. And I shouldn't worry because as I stand up for others, God, the Almighty and ever powerful God, stands up for me. What can I lose?
I have been crying yesterday. I felt unwanted, rejected and unappreciated. I was hurt and it is beyond words to define. I never felt worse in my life. And just like I have used to do when I'm in pain, I knelt down and talked to God. I told Him how I felt. All the negative things in my mind, I blurted it out. People just can be merciless sometimes. Or maybe, I was too sensitive. I was too hurt and I don't know how to deal with it. Much more, I don't know how to deal with the people who made me feel less the person that I am. I felt horrible and no good word can ever comfort me. I even wanted to be alone forever. If I don't meet people then they can never hurt me. And that would do me good.
Good. But selfish. Which makes it not good in any other way. And I thought, I give up on people, I cannot feel kindness in them anymore. I felt so down I could almost feel wound in my own soul. And so I prayed, "Lord, teach my heart to be humble and let me love them as You do."
And just today, I received a letter from God, ( I signed up for Godwhispers and God sends His message through email ) which warmed my heart. "You should hear me talk about you, Frailyn. I endlessly talk about how wonderful you are to the Angels." And something magical happened. After feeling so so so down, I am lifted up. Suddenly, I felt different towards the depression I was carrying and found myself ashamed to God. How could I let people bring me down when God thinks highly of me? God created me that's why I am here. And He designed my life according to His magnificent plan. I may not be what people wanted me to be but I can be what God wants me to be because He made me. He knows me. And He created me for a special purpose that nobody but I can only do. He made us all different because He has different purpose for our lives for His greater glory. I am part of the creation and I ought to remember that always.
Much more to my heart's delight, the Gospel for today just told me what God wants to say, Luke 6:27-38 " "But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
To him who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from him who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt.
Give to every one who begs from you; and of him who takes away your goods do not ask them again. And as you wish that men would do to you, do so to them.
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again.
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the selfish.
Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For the measure you give will be the measure you get back."
And that made this day, a beautiful day. And as I kneel down to pray tonight, I shall offer Him thanks and praise for the person that I have become today. I can choose to dwell on my hurt and carry it for as long as I like but what good will it do to me? Today, I realized that people come to your life to test you, to test your heart to see how much it is capable of loving. A part of me wants to give up pleasing people who always do worse things to you. But after another thought, I shouldn't even consider it. I can never survive being alone, because I wasn't made to be alone. I am to complete a part of Christ's body in which all of us is a part including those people who have hurt me. So, the only way to live is to have a heart that is capable of loving despite hurting. Just as Jesus did. They must've not noticed it, but they need me. And I must've not noticed it but I need them too. So, I'm gonna try my best to have a heart just like Christ's. It would be a difficult mission, but it isn't impossible if He works in me. After all, at the end of my life's journey what matters isn't how many times I've stood up for myself, but how many times I've stood up for others. And I shouldn't worry because as I stand up for others, God, the Almighty and ever powerful God, stands up for me. What can I lose?
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