my soul story
I felt the slow rushing of my soul as it goes to and fro, taking all that I can give. I could feel my own soul being happy. I could feel me. And it is a wonderful feeling.
When I was younger, I thought I was going crazy. My feelings were so intense that I thought I needed a professional help, a psychiatrist, because I keep talking to myself in a way that seemed not to be normal anymore. When I was talking with me, it was always at the extremes. I could see the good and the bad in every situation, the best and the worst, the advantages and disadvantages and it was not easy everytime I have to make a decision. I quarrel with me too often. And I get upset. And I just realized , it was my own soul fighting for me... trying to set the right things for me. And yet my rebellious mind had conquered most of the time-- presenting all adequate reasons and logical explanation and acceptable justifications. And my poor soul was trapped.
My soul is me. I haven't took notice of it for the longest time. I am made up a hundred percent of it and a hundred percent human body. Neglecting the statutes of God, doing things against His will, committing sins, failing to notice His presence in my life and forgetting to commune with Him has turned my body into a cage where my poor soul lay in darkness, starved and distressed, tormented and anguished. That was why I felt trapped most of the time. Even when I do good things, something is lacking within me. It wasn't enough. Even when I do things that can make me happy, still there is that turmoil deep inside me that causes my heart to ache. Like there is a deep hole inside that I've been trying to fill up but of to no avail. And it is all because I made my soul a cage, not a temple. And I felt so bad about it.
When I started going back to the path I stopped walking, when I began to pray again and searched for Him in my life, the cage-- that prison cell I had for my soul suddenly had window where light comes through. That magnificent light that filled my soul with joy. Slowly, my soul was being fed with the right food and healed from all the bruise and lashes from the mistakes I've made. And from being a skinny, slimy soul, it started to take a new form. It started to get stronger. Strong enough to free itself from the cage.
I feel the strong desire to get out. To be free. But I myself knew it isn't time yet. I have a mission to accomplish, a purpose to fulfill. Therefore I must do everything that can unite both my body and my soul. I need to keep my body holy because my soul lives in it and the Spirit of God is in unity with it since the day of my baptism.
The body and the soul have different needs. Both hungers and thirsts. Which should come first? In this kind of world we live in we often forget the desire for eternal life. We only see things as here and now and forget that everything here is temporary. We have set goals, we go for success... and we forget that to be truly alive one must die in himself. We need to be aware of the needs of our souls, for it is what we were made of for eternity. And to do that we need to lessen filling up our corporal needs, for all of these shall pass. We should focus on things that lasts. "Love God first and then you can do what you will." says St. Augustine. We need God to overcome all selfish ambitions. Our love for Him will set boundaries and limits so as we do not fall into the darkness of sin.
Feel your soul for once and ask if it is living healthy inside of you. Because you and I are made up of it. My heart is at peace that my soul has finally brought back to life. Though I admit I am struggling to keep my soul healthy. The Lord is so good for revealing all these to me. I want nothing but to forever stay in Him. May my soul be forever in unity with my Maker. And may all of us struggle to keep our souls alive. Let us ask Our Father to fill us that we may never hunger nor thirst no more... And may our lives be lived in the light of Him who is our Savior and our God. May God bless us all :)
When I was younger, I thought I was going crazy. My feelings were so intense that I thought I needed a professional help, a psychiatrist, because I keep talking to myself in a way that seemed not to be normal anymore. When I was talking with me, it was always at the extremes. I could see the good and the bad in every situation, the best and the worst, the advantages and disadvantages and it was not easy everytime I have to make a decision. I quarrel with me too often. And I get upset. And I just realized , it was my own soul fighting for me... trying to set the right things for me. And yet my rebellious mind had conquered most of the time-- presenting all adequate reasons and logical explanation and acceptable justifications. And my poor soul was trapped.
My soul is me. I haven't took notice of it for the longest time. I am made up a hundred percent of it and a hundred percent human body. Neglecting the statutes of God, doing things against His will, committing sins, failing to notice His presence in my life and forgetting to commune with Him has turned my body into a cage where my poor soul lay in darkness, starved and distressed, tormented and anguished. That was why I felt trapped most of the time. Even when I do good things, something is lacking within me. It wasn't enough. Even when I do things that can make me happy, still there is that turmoil deep inside me that causes my heart to ache. Like there is a deep hole inside that I've been trying to fill up but of to no avail. And it is all because I made my soul a cage, not a temple. And I felt so bad about it.
When I started going back to the path I stopped walking, when I began to pray again and searched for Him in my life, the cage-- that prison cell I had for my soul suddenly had window where light comes through. That magnificent light that filled my soul with joy. Slowly, my soul was being fed with the right food and healed from all the bruise and lashes from the mistakes I've made. And from being a skinny, slimy soul, it started to take a new form. It started to get stronger. Strong enough to free itself from the cage.
I feel the strong desire to get out. To be free. But I myself knew it isn't time yet. I have a mission to accomplish, a purpose to fulfill. Therefore I must do everything that can unite both my body and my soul. I need to keep my body holy because my soul lives in it and the Spirit of God is in unity with it since the day of my baptism.
The body and the soul have different needs. Both hungers and thirsts. Which should come first? In this kind of world we live in we often forget the desire for eternal life. We only see things as here and now and forget that everything here is temporary. We have set goals, we go for success... and we forget that to be truly alive one must die in himself. We need to be aware of the needs of our souls, for it is what we were made of for eternity. And to do that we need to lessen filling up our corporal needs, for all of these shall pass. We should focus on things that lasts. "Love God first and then you can do what you will." says St. Augustine. We need God to overcome all selfish ambitions. Our love for Him will set boundaries and limits so as we do not fall into the darkness of sin.
Feel your soul for once and ask if it is living healthy inside of you. Because you and I are made up of it. My heart is at peace that my soul has finally brought back to life. Though I admit I am struggling to keep my soul healthy. The Lord is so good for revealing all these to me. I want nothing but to forever stay in Him. May my soul be forever in unity with my Maker. And may all of us struggle to keep our souls alive. Let us ask Our Father to fill us that we may never hunger nor thirst no more... And may our lives be lived in the light of Him who is our Savior and our God. May God bless us all :)
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