white christmas
It is a cold morning. It is snowing outside-- big, thick, white, wet snow-- not the perfect feather-like one (as it becomes water the moment it touches the ground). I heard myself humming, I'm dreaming of a white christmas... just like the ones I used to know... And I found myself half-smiling-half-frowning for its absurdity. I still sing the song like I mean it just like when I was young. I mean, I mean it but not the way it really meant. When the words white christmas slip out of my mouth, they don't mean literally as they should anymore. Because everytime I sing out the song, I think about home...
I think about our house with christmas lights twinkling like stars of different colors, the MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR banner in glittering gold with green lining, the ''belen'' that was on our divider (complete with blue crepe paper as sky and cotton as clouds and of course the golden lights all around it), the little christmas tree adorned with gold, red, green and silver balls, bells, fake candies, little gifts, christmas lights and the big star on top, Santa Claus wallpaper on the front door, and the big red star "parol" we used to hang in the porch...
I think about the christmas carols that plays randomly over the radio, the children caroling every night on every house singing the very popular "Kasadya ning taknaan" hehe, the lights in the neighborhood especially the park where almost all the trees are decorated with colorful lanterns and tiny lights twinkling in different rhythms...
I think about nine mornings "simbang-gabi", about how felt it good to feel the cold morning air to be the first to greet you good morning, seeing fresh, tired, sleepy yet happy faces ready for the mass, each looking forward to complete the nine mornings hopeful for one wish to come true ( and of course for the 'painit' coffee or sikwate and bread, budbud,puto or bingka every after mass) and seeing the most creative christmas lanterns hanging on the church ceilings, the beautiful lights and the big "belen" at the altar.
I think of presents, too. I used to think that the best part of christmas is opening of gifts. When I was young, all that mattered to me was what was inside the colorful box. And I felt grateful for it, wishing for more. But as I grew older, the thought that someone bothered to give me a gift on Christmas day was more touching. I get so happy receiving cards and letters and hugs. And as I grew older and older, I'm not only aware of gifts I received. I became more aware of giving gifts. It's such a nice feeling when you give. A bit stressful but worth it all. Especially when you give to the little ones. When you see the excitement in their eyes as they receive presents... just like me before. I wish that all the children in the world will receive presents this christmas. Because I believe that christmas is for them.
Most of all, I think about the faces that has filled my christmas memories with happiness... Papa's cute smile, Mama's pa-cute smile, Ate Geegile's wide grin, Eboy's ruthless laugh, Ayen's shy smile (which sometimes can be mistaken as smirk )... and the pets smiling faces (thirteen+ cats,two dogs, Socx and the unseen Harry ) hehe smiling jud... (owverrr!) I think about how each one of us tried our best to give each other VIP treatment (meaning, pugong singka, insulto, banghag ug uban pang mga butang nga makasamad sa dughan for one day. hehe), how we try clothe ourselves with pure kindness just to maintain the happiness of the surrounding and how each one tried to show the love we do not always speak out loud. And I think about all the people we used to celebrate christmas with, the Rosagaran and Macul clan, even the whole neighborhood I used to see at the church and realized how grateful I should be...
And so, back to the song... I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... and since white is the presence of all colors, I can rephrase it as, I'm dreaming of a colorful Christmas... Just like the one I used to have when I was young... the one I spend with the ones I love... when I still believe in Santa Claus... when all wishes usually come true...
The first day of December is here. Finally. Honestly, it's painful... spending Christmas far from home. Yes, there will always be cheerful crowd. There will always be nice people. There will always be loving friends. (which I am so grateful for) but the pain is undeniably there... silently sleeping inside me. Which I knew I could never take out of me.
But painful it may seem... it's still christmas... After all, Christmas isn't about me. Not even a bit. hehe It's about Jesus. And I'll try my best to be at my best during this Christmas wishing that every people around the world, especially those that I love is happily celebrating Christmas, too. :)
I think about our house with christmas lights twinkling like stars of different colors, the MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR banner in glittering gold with green lining, the ''belen'' that was on our divider (complete with blue crepe paper as sky and cotton as clouds and of course the golden lights all around it), the little christmas tree adorned with gold, red, green and silver balls, bells, fake candies, little gifts, christmas lights and the big star on top, Santa Claus wallpaper on the front door, and the big red star "parol" we used to hang in the porch...
I think about the christmas carols that plays randomly over the radio, the children caroling every night on every house singing the very popular "Kasadya ning taknaan" hehe, the lights in the neighborhood especially the park where almost all the trees are decorated with colorful lanterns and tiny lights twinkling in different rhythms...
I think about nine mornings "simbang-gabi", about how felt it good to feel the cold morning air to be the first to greet you good morning, seeing fresh, tired, sleepy yet happy faces ready for the mass, each looking forward to complete the nine mornings hopeful for one wish to come true ( and of course for the 'painit' coffee or sikwate and bread, budbud,puto or bingka every after mass) and seeing the most creative christmas lanterns hanging on the church ceilings, the beautiful lights and the big "belen" at the altar.
I think of presents, too. I used to think that the best part of christmas is opening of gifts. When I was young, all that mattered to me was what was inside the colorful box. And I felt grateful for it, wishing for more. But as I grew older, the thought that someone bothered to give me a gift on Christmas day was more touching. I get so happy receiving cards and letters and hugs. And as I grew older and older, I'm not only aware of gifts I received. I became more aware of giving gifts. It's such a nice feeling when you give. A bit stressful but worth it all. Especially when you give to the little ones. When you see the excitement in their eyes as they receive presents... just like me before. I wish that all the children in the world will receive presents this christmas. Because I believe that christmas is for them.
Most of all, I think about the faces that has filled my christmas memories with happiness... Papa's cute smile, Mama's pa-cute smile, Ate Geegile's wide grin, Eboy's ruthless laugh, Ayen's shy smile (which sometimes can be mistaken as smirk )... and the pets smiling faces (thirteen+ cats,two dogs, Socx and the unseen Harry ) hehe smiling jud... (owverrr!) I think about how each one of us tried our best to give each other VIP treatment (meaning, pugong singka, insulto, banghag ug uban pang mga butang nga makasamad sa dughan for one day. hehe), how we try clothe ourselves with pure kindness just to maintain the happiness of the surrounding and how each one tried to show the love we do not always speak out loud. And I think about all the people we used to celebrate christmas with, the Rosagaran and Macul clan, even the whole neighborhood I used to see at the church and realized how grateful I should be...
And so, back to the song... I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... and since white is the presence of all colors, I can rephrase it as, I'm dreaming of a colorful Christmas... Just like the one I used to have when I was young... the one I spend with the ones I love... when I still believe in Santa Claus... when all wishes usually come true...
The first day of December is here. Finally. Honestly, it's painful... spending Christmas far from home. Yes, there will always be cheerful crowd. There will always be nice people. There will always be loving friends. (which I am so grateful for) but the pain is undeniably there... silently sleeping inside me. Which I knew I could never take out of me.
But painful it may seem... it's still christmas... After all, Christmas isn't about me. Not even a bit. hehe It's about Jesus. And I'll try my best to be at my best during this Christmas wishing that every people around the world, especially those that I love is happily celebrating Christmas, too. :)
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