of life and death

Last time, I was filled with pregnant people and the happiness was contagious. It's kinda weird feeling but that must be little miracles made when you feel that life is about to spring up.

Lately, I was filled with people with cancer. Not that I am close to them. I just saw them. I heard stories of them. And just lately, someone died... I didn't know why I cried. I must have felt for those who were left behind. It was a mother who died... who left two children of 8 and 5. I felt awful... and now, another mother is suffering and they said that two more chemos and they couldn't do anything about it. And suddenly, I felt so so sad, so so lonely and so so afraid. Life's uncertainties somehow is drowning me. And I couldn't surf up.


Death had been around me but I could care less... But now, fear has held me tight... My worries seem to be unending. How can I protect those I love? How can I prevent my fears?


But then, death is as inevitable as life. I could not stop it. I could only accept it. I knew that... But I wouldn't want to. I'd like to hold on for my loved one's life until death itself take me. 


I know that God has His purpose way beyond my own mind could ever understand. That life and death are His  means of fulfilling His plans for us. I wish that in time, I could understand. That in time, I'll be able to free myself from these fears that hunt me down. In His time, I know I will... I just need to constantly pray...


We need to pray.