childhood glance

Things have changed so fast... It went on without me realizing I've been losing grip on things that has mattered to me most.


But that's life. Always has been, always will be.


There are things that you cannot retrieve no matter how much you want to.

I'm glad I still have the memories... So I'm writing them here... Hoping it would bring back the lost times... it's like a dream, a wonderful dream. Something beautiful that lasts...til you wake up. The experience had always been fulfilling. It always is. Only, it leaves a tinge of pain... knowing something so beautiful isn't really for real. But the happiness you'd feel will always be worth that pain...

So I'll let myself dissolve into where I was years ago... when life has been at its best... and happiness had always been around.

I can still remember our old house. It was built of nipa and bamboo. It was big enough for the six of us. It had a living room, two bedrooms, and a kitchen. The dining room was just inches away from the living room, separated by what we so call 'divider'. The bedroom walls were covered with enflated milk boxes so the wind won't get through the amakan walls( it was a double walled house!hehe a designed wall, usually in pink with words Carnation and green ones Nestogen and blue ones Bonna). During rainy days, we had to put old formal theme notebooks on the damaged roof. I am glad we had a lot of them. (My mother is a teacher, you see. I could always remember her with a ballpen and a class record). I can't remember the exact detail of our house but for sure, the wooden picture of The Last Supper hung in our small dining room. A few inches away, was the 14-inch Singer tv, black and white; it has no remote control but it gets 6 out of 13 channels. Channel 3 had the best signal, then Channel 7, 6,11, 13 and 9. We had a radio also. It was famous at that time. Anyone could just spend a day listening to the dramas over the radio. We used to listen to the dramas every lunch and the ones I haven't forgotten was 'Handumanan sa Usa Ka Awit' and 'Kini ang Akong Suliran' (which are still aired up to now). We had a wooden sofa and two wooden chairs. But we usually lie on the floor when we watch tv. We had two bedrooms but the six of us sleep in one room with one big mat and a gigantic blue mosquito net. It was a nice feeling to sleep at night with the six of us together. At the back of our bedroom door I could usually read the lines "The family that prays together, stays together." (I still believe in it up to now). We also used to have another small room which Papa calls 'study room'. It's where most his things are. My father is a draftsman. And I could clearly remember how we (Ate Geegile, Eboy and I) drew and wrote a lot in that part of the house. Ate Geegile wrote on the wall, "My father is the best draftsman in the world." And I very much agree on that. We had a small kitchen where the water flowed heavily when it rains. It's quite hard to light up wet woods, you know. We were lucky if we have pine trees. Outside the house, we had our small comfort room (which was taken away when a typhoon came. We packed our things that night and found a good family that had let us stay until the storm was over. When we came back in the morning, the papaya trees were knocked off. It was disheartening to see wrecked trees... but much more, a wrecked house. I wonder how Mama and Papa felt by then... Because I found it funny to see the nipa roof on the ground. I mean, amazing wind! I realized it wasn't funny at all... But, we managed to build it up again. With Mama Josie's help, I think. She had always been the family's saviour.)So the house changed. What hasn't changed much is outside the house. We had trees. We still have right now. We have three guava trees- an american guava on the front door (which I actually thought is dying but Papa has faith that it will grow back (even if it had 6 leaves by then) and bear big sweet fruits again)), our favorite guava tree on the yard which yields the most fruit and we used to climb on) and the one we call Bisaya since it yields tiny fruits (which is near the highway ). We have orchids, it's Papa's most loved plants. Actually, he planted most of the trees and shrubs and everything rooted in our yard. He also placed our used to be favorite place, our 'duyan' (which now gone...too bad). We also have gemelina trees, guyabano, grapefruit, jackfruit (which I think is dying), starfruit, and the reason why I am here and Ate Geegile out there, the tambis. I don't know if it has an english name but this fruit tree is quite famous in our place because usually, homes with this kind of fruit tree had a family member abroad. Or was it coincidence? Papa planted four... (I don't know how to feel about that). There's also a Talisay tree just outside our fence. It is where we usually get shade when we're waiting for the bus. So it's like a lot of trees. And it's like autumn every day. But it's fine. We usually love sweeping the yard.

I really miss our home... I wonder how much have changed. Maybe the trees are bigger now. Maybe Papa has found another specie of orchid. Maybe the starapple he transplanted is big now, or maybe it's dead. Maybe the guava trees beared fruit again. Maybe the bermuda grass has spread a little wider. Maybe the house looked a year older... It's not as sturdy as before. Some of the floors have given up. We used to hear the termites noise as they chew cellulose from our walls, ceilings and floors. I wonder how the termites are doing right now. We usually beg them to eat slowly and hold hand in hand so our house won't fall. We actually have a theme song for them, "Hawak-kamay". It's quite crazy but that's just how it is. I just missed everything.

It's hard to give up what you have lived and loved for a long time... I've lost a big part of me when I left... I knew that things have changed now and it will never be the same... There might be a lot more changes than that I know of. But something will never change...

it's how (as a child) I held them in my heart. :)