worn out

I don't know if it has something to do with the eclipse... (Yeah, Ingrid told me there will be an eclipse today, or maybe it had already occurred, it's difficult to know with that thick clouds covering the whole sky)... or maybe this is just another PMS... I don't know. I just felt sad.

And just like before, it's almost unbearable.

I paused for a while and deeply thought why...
Could it be that I am still in grief of Lola Young's death? Yeah... possibly.
Or, could it be that I am missing home and it's soon christmas? Well... maybe.
Or, could it be that I have gone far off and don't know how to come back?... Uh...Most probably.

It's just that happiness seemed to have flown away. And I do not know where to seek it. Or I know where but I do not dare to because if I began to, I'd realize how far it is and I'd be frustrated with the impossibility to have it.

I feel so worn out... so crumpled... so torn...

Yeah... the negativity of life has pulled me. And I could not escape...

Something's stirring up inside me. A certain force creating a deep hole, making me empty. I feel empty... Because I've lost grip of what once had made me full...

Now, what...?

Now, where...?

Alright... I need to be washed and cleansed... then I'll be okay.

I do not need to bath... I need to pray...