A year ago
February 01, 2009 at 6:45 am, I arrived at Oslo Bus Terminal. And my thought was, "This is it..." It had been eight hours drive from Copenhagen. And I didn't think I slept comfortably. No, I didn't think I ever slept at all.
Mixed emotions- that's it. That was what I felt the moment I got out of the bus. I had been crying when I left Denmark. I missed my friends, especially Glogie. And I missed my host family. That was the strangest feeling I've felt. I mean, I never thought I would shed tears as much as I shed when I left home, my real family. I felt being cut open again. And painful isn't the adjective for it. It was more than that. Well, they had been my family for a year and seven months. I loved them, that was why I was hurting when I left. I knew it would be so hard not to see the whole family I used to see every single day. I know I would miss the boys so much... the way Christopher calls me "See, Frailyn, see!" and shows his progress in World of Warcraft; and Frederik's sweet smile and his "Kan du hjelpe mig?" and "Thank you very much!"; and much more, I knew I would miss seeing Nicolai's face every morning and his "Mam-mammm!!!". It was a different feeling when you wake up and you realize you won't be doing the things you used to do anymore, things you hate and things you learned to love. It was like giving up something you really wanted to hold on to. But goodbyes happen. And I had no other option except to keep myself strong. Besides, hellos happen too. I'll be having another host family. I was a little nervous but I had to be positive.
I waited for Ate Joann to pick me up at the station. Honestly, if I had knew the way, I wouldn't bother her because I knew how hard she had been going through at that point of time. But I'm not good at reading maps. And... shame on me, I couldn't even identify left and right (unless I look at my hands of course). So, I was grateful she could pick me up.
When she arrived, I was relieved. It had always been a nice feeling when you see somebody you knew. Much more, a family. Someone that could make the strange place not so strange at all.
My face lit up as I saw her. She was surprised when she saw my luggage. If I wasn't the one who packed my things, I'm sure I will be surprised too. hehe So, we went to the Jernbanetorget (Cenral Station) to ride the T-bane (subway train) for Smestad. It was my second time in Oslo (because I went there last December to process my papers) but I was still in great awe as we walked along the station. It was huge and wide and I couldn't remember one path. When we went down, the escalator wasn't working. And I thought, Great. It was impossible for me to lift up my luggage so I let the gravity do his job. Which... well, unfortunately broke one of the wheels and it was impossible to put it back. It was wrecked. And I felt guilty because the bag actually belonged to Glogie. I managed to lift it up inside the train though. When we arrived in Smestad, the challenge began. I had to carry the bag. But because it was almost impossible, I tried to push it little by little. Ate Joann carried two other bags and whew, I never thought it would be that hard. We had to go to Ferle's place (that was where Ate Joann stayed for the moment) while we wait for Einar (my host family) to pick us up. It was cold. And it wasn't so easy walking with heavy jacket and heavy boots plus a very heavy luggage. I couldn't remember how long it took us to Ferle's house. I remembered being upset. I was almost close to tears. But then, we managed. Ate Joann helped me. Thank you, good Lord. (Sigh)
I had to transfer my things because the bag was really wrecked to it's maximum wreckage. When Einar picked us up, he asked us why we didn't take a taxi. Err... uhm.. yeah... why hadn't we thought about that? hehe But it happened. It had to happen I guess.
My first few weeks with the family wasn't so hard. Ate Joann was there to teach me what I should do. They had a big house. The biggest house I've lived actually. And I have a nice room, a bathroom and a kitchen. It was luxurious. And I felt grateful. I was happy. But yeah... lonelinees creeped inside me everytime I was alone. It was so much that I felt consumed most of the time. I couldn't find a way to stop myself from weeping.
As time went by, I felt the loneliness ebbing away. Thanks to Ate Joann who had always inflicted me with happiness. It wasn't an easy year for her because she had lost a loved one. And yet, she remained strong. And her strength is infectious. Who am I to embrace my weakness? She had wonderful insights about life. She made me see those beautiful things that I've ceased to see and she made me feel the love I realized I forgot to feel which made me feel absolutely happy and grateful that I am still alive. And thanks to Glogie who helped me from crying out the heavy load inside me. I knew it was hard on her part too. And she had always asked why was it me who always leave her and not the other way around? I had no answer to that except that I felt so sad we couldn't be together for some time. And it hurt more than that of cutting your own flesh.
After a month, I was okay. And I made new friends. :) I met Jingle (who was eyebrows fettish) and Ferle (who welcomed me into her home) and Thanh (Ate Joann's Vietnamese friend from the university). I was happy for everyone I met. Especially for Thanh who seemed to have so much sunshine inside her. hehe... She just loves everything. I liked the way she appreciates things. Yeah.. pure hearted. Like that of a child. She's just a year and few days younger than me but it seemed she's ten years younger. After being with her, I was suddenly in touch to the child inside me again. I never had fun playing with snow until I met her. It was her 22nd birthday when we made snowman. And I really felt happy I was in Norway. Because of the snow! And because I met someone as wonderful as Thanh.
When summer came, I get to know another person. If Thanh had so much sunshine, she had more than so much. (I knew Thanh would agree) Sydelyn, that's her name. I haven't met a person as happy as she is. She's always excited about everything. Or should I say she always makes everything exciting. And she laughs so loud whenever she finds something funny. And yes, she's contagious. She loves to cook. And I am fat... you can blame her. hehehe When I see Sai, I could smile because I can see pancakes, french fries, ice cream and milkshake. hahaha At first, I thought she was one of those flighty people. And I told her about this and she just smiled. Because I was so wrong. I never thought I could share her my secrets. I'm such a melancholic person I could cry with trees. I never thought I could cry with her. But she, cried with me one time. And then I found out that she's more than what she shows she is. I love those walks and talks we had. We would go out at eleven in the evening and walk from Majorstuen to Nationaltheatret (which was really a long way when you don't know the road), and have some coffee and sit and talk and cry and laugh. One thing we had in common is we love books! We could stay inside a bookstore for a day, or even a week. hehe It was her who introduced me to Paulo Coelho. And she's an avid fan of Nora Roberts. I've learned a lot from her actually. Even though I'm crazy sometimes and I couldn't understand myself, she would be there. During those times I was so sad I requested to be alone, she never left me. Because she's afraid I'd die? hehehe
And then, I got addicted to a certain site. Yeah, Tagalog Online Pocketbook. I've always loved pocketbooks since I was on the sixth grade. I've always wanted to write one but I didn't really think I'd become a novelist. I just enjoy happy ever afters and destinies and true love. And I was so happy I could get to read stories for free! My top favorites were Love in Disguise by Yesha Lee, I Love You Long Before by Louise and For the Love of Aien by Nadine. I loved their stories. :) Plus, they were really nice. Their previous tagline was "Mga kuwento mula sa hindi kilalang manunulat." which was cute. And then, I didn't know what pushed me, whether it was because I wanted it or because I was inspired by the passion they had that I decided to send my story (which wasn't finished by that time) for review. And I was amazed by their feedbacks. It was my first time to share and I was really nervous I could breakdown. They found errors but they had positive comments as well. And because of that, I had my first story published online. I could remember it was Friday. And I was literally jumping all the way from Vinderen to Ate Joann's place in Hofftunet saying Thank you, Lord! over and over. I was so happy my heart could not contain it would seem to burst. And i am grateful again for all the people especially to my TOP family: foo, lousie, yesha, bench, blue and everyone who read it from beginning to end. And for my sister who was my very first reader of all those silly lovestories I wrote, I thank her with all my heart for being an avid fan. haha And also, for Sai and Chychy who read the story even when they were busy and encouraging me to write more. And for Earl and Veronica who were in my head for almost a year, I was thankful that from them emerged a story of love. I was planning to make a sequel. But I need tons of inspiration first. :)
And if there were happy moments, there were sad ones too. And because it's sad, I'm not comfortable sharing it with. It's just that the exact opposite of happiness could really tear you apart. For a thousand times I kept praying to be home but I couldn't be. I needed to stay. And I realized that just when you thought you were stronger, there will always be pain more painful than the pains you've encountered which cuts you deep and bleeds you to death. And the only consolation you have is that you are still breathing even when you are hurting so much. Which leads you to trusting the One who never failed you when all the things in the world had. I wouldn't want to relive those moments, but in those moments I felt so weak were actually the moments I had been so strong. And things happen for a purpose. And I'm holding on to my faith for whatever this world has to offer me.
And so, I was stabilizing... And was back to my old self. Happy with the world. :) I really am happy where I am now. Though I still yearn to be with my family, I still felt lucky I am where I am. And for my Norwegian host family, I'm grateful I became a part of them too. I came to know each one of them in a year. Kaspar (9 years old) was the one I spent most of my time with. I often go pick him up at the school. At first, he didn't want to. He said I was boring to be with. haha! We actually felt the same, I was bored with myself too. hehe But later on, he began talking. And I was talking too. He loved talking about skateboards. And he showed me how to do kick flip, back flip, and all his best skateboard tricks. He also showed me Tony Hawk in youtube. He had been wishing for PlanB skateboard since then. And this year, he got it, from his own money and he was so happy about it. And I was so happy for him. He liked to talk about cars too. we both liked the beautiful blue Ferrari we always see on the way home. And we were both shocked when we saw it deformed some months ago.
I had always liked the way he shouted in excitement everytime he gets what he wished for, happiness is really in his eyes. And I liked the way he sings Maligayang Bati (a Tagalog birthday song) and in return he taught me how to sing the Norwegian birthday song which goes like this, Hurra for deg som fyller ditt år! OY! Ja, deg vil vi gratulere! Alle i ring omkring deg vi står, og se, nå vil vi marsjere, OY! And I could sing the OY! part. hehe
We had English lessons sometimes. And at nine, he's good at English. But his favorite subject is Gymnastics. He just loves sports. Football and skiing are his top fave.
Ingrid (13 years old) is a sweet girl. She had been thoughtful eversince I was in the house. She was the one baking cakes or muffins whenever there's birthday (including mine). And she was the one giving cards and cookies and chocolates during christmas. She had grown tall and beautiful. She had always loved dogs since she was a child. She had a collection of mini dog dolls in her room, pictures and stickers, all dogs. It was during the summer that she finally had a dog. It was Hebbe, a kleiner munsterlander. They got him from Sweden and Ingrid loved Hebbe so much.
She loved everything about dogs. And she loved football also. She was the only girl in class doing sports. She loved dancing hip-hop. And she loves studying as well. She's one of the best students in the class. One thing we both loved is Twilight. She was so excited when the New Moon came to the cinema. She was there at the premiere together with Ranna and Celine who were also Twilight fanatics. And she had Twilight music in her phone. And she just shared it with me.
Anne is a sweet mother. And she is really beautiful. When I first met her I thought she was a model. She wasn't. She's just into fashion because that's her business. She owns a showroom (where I go clean sometimes and hang new clothes) where she sells designer dresses, shoes and bags for boutiques all over Norway. I guess that was a lot of work. She was busy most of the time. But she always have time for doing homework with Kaspar and Ingrid. Whenever she went to Paris or Denmark, she always leaves a note for the kids saying Mamma elske dere masse (Mommy loves you so much) which I think is very sweet. It makes my heart ache actually. And she's thoughtful. She always wanted me to relax and to go out especially when the weather is sunny.
Einar, well, is a good father. A strict one. But he's got humor also. He's an engineer but he had been around the house. He was the handyman. He said he prefered being in the house than anywhere else. He was the one taking care of everything at home. He was the one cooking too. He's perfectionist. I mean, when you do things, you should do it the right way and you should do your best. And you shouldn't do the hard way because there's always an easy way to do it. I've learned a lot from him actually.
And Hebbe, who will be turning one year old this year, he never failed to amuse me. Whenever he's outside, he would go all around the house, investigating, I guess. He would scratch the ground and smell it and then cover it up again. And whenever we are walking, there's a place he loved to pee. And he becomes alert whenever he smells another dogs' pee. And he knows a lot of tricks now. It's so amazing to see how much he have grown. When he came into the house he was a small cute puppy with flappy ears and black fur except for his tail and neck which was white. Now he's five times bigger I think. And I love those times he looks at me with those sad eyes. And I asked him what's wrong and he'd turn his head sideways looking puzzled. He's cute. :)
A year has gone. And I could recall everything in a blink of an eye. I just couldn't write it all here. How did it happen so fast? But the year contained experiences and people whom have touched my life. And I'd like to thank you all. THANK YOU!!! there's still another year. Hopefully a happy one :)
Mixed emotions- that's it. That was what I felt the moment I got out of the bus. I had been crying when I left Denmark. I missed my friends, especially Glogie. And I missed my host family. That was the strangest feeling I've felt. I mean, I never thought I would shed tears as much as I shed when I left home, my real family. I felt being cut open again. And painful isn't the adjective for it. It was more than that. Well, they had been my family for a year and seven months. I loved them, that was why I was hurting when I left. I knew it would be so hard not to see the whole family I used to see every single day. I know I would miss the boys so much... the way Christopher calls me "See, Frailyn, see!" and shows his progress in World of Warcraft; and Frederik's sweet smile and his "Kan du hjelpe mig?" and "Thank you very much!"; and much more, I knew I would miss seeing Nicolai's face every morning and his "Mam-mammm!!!". It was a different feeling when you wake up and you realize you won't be doing the things you used to do anymore, things you hate and things you learned to love. It was like giving up something you really wanted to hold on to. But goodbyes happen. And I had no other option except to keep myself strong. Besides, hellos happen too. I'll be having another host family. I was a little nervous but I had to be positive.
I waited for Ate Joann to pick me up at the station. Honestly, if I had knew the way, I wouldn't bother her because I knew how hard she had been going through at that point of time. But I'm not good at reading maps. And... shame on me, I couldn't even identify left and right (unless I look at my hands of course). So, I was grateful she could pick me up.
When she arrived, I was relieved. It had always been a nice feeling when you see somebody you knew. Much more, a family. Someone that could make the strange place not so strange at all.
My face lit up as I saw her. She was surprised when she saw my luggage. If I wasn't the one who packed my things, I'm sure I will be surprised too. hehe So, we went to the Jernbanetorget (Cenral Station) to ride the T-bane (subway train) for Smestad. It was my second time in Oslo (because I went there last December to process my papers) but I was still in great awe as we walked along the station. It was huge and wide and I couldn't remember one path. When we went down, the escalator wasn't working. And I thought, Great. It was impossible for me to lift up my luggage so I let the gravity do his job. Which... well, unfortunately broke one of the wheels and it was impossible to put it back. It was wrecked. And I felt guilty because the bag actually belonged to Glogie. I managed to lift it up inside the train though. When we arrived in Smestad, the challenge began. I had to carry the bag. But because it was almost impossible, I tried to push it little by little. Ate Joann carried two other bags and whew, I never thought it would be that hard. We had to go to Ferle's place (that was where Ate Joann stayed for the moment) while we wait for Einar (my host family) to pick us up. It was cold. And it wasn't so easy walking with heavy jacket and heavy boots plus a very heavy luggage. I couldn't remember how long it took us to Ferle's house. I remembered being upset. I was almost close to tears. But then, we managed. Ate Joann helped me. Thank you, good Lord. (Sigh)
I had to transfer my things because the bag was really wrecked to it's maximum wreckage. When Einar picked us up, he asked us why we didn't take a taxi. Err... uhm.. yeah... why hadn't we thought about that? hehe But it happened. It had to happen I guess.
My first few weeks with the family wasn't so hard. Ate Joann was there to teach me what I should do. They had a big house. The biggest house I've lived actually. And I have a nice room, a bathroom and a kitchen. It was luxurious. And I felt grateful. I was happy. But yeah... lonelinees creeped inside me everytime I was alone. It was so much that I felt consumed most of the time. I couldn't find a way to stop myself from weeping.
As time went by, I felt the loneliness ebbing away. Thanks to Ate Joann who had always inflicted me with happiness. It wasn't an easy year for her because she had lost a loved one. And yet, she remained strong. And her strength is infectious. Who am I to embrace my weakness? She had wonderful insights about life. She made me see those beautiful things that I've ceased to see and she made me feel the love I realized I forgot to feel which made me feel absolutely happy and grateful that I am still alive. And thanks to Glogie who helped me from crying out the heavy load inside me. I knew it was hard on her part too. And she had always asked why was it me who always leave her and not the other way around? I had no answer to that except that I felt so sad we couldn't be together for some time. And it hurt more than that of cutting your own flesh.
After a month, I was okay. And I made new friends. :) I met Jingle (who was eyebrows fettish) and Ferle (who welcomed me into her home) and Thanh (Ate Joann's Vietnamese friend from the university). I was happy for everyone I met. Especially for Thanh who seemed to have so much sunshine inside her. hehe... She just loves everything. I liked the way she appreciates things. Yeah.. pure hearted. Like that of a child. She's just a year and few days younger than me but it seemed she's ten years younger. After being with her, I was suddenly in touch to the child inside me again. I never had fun playing with snow until I met her. It was her 22nd birthday when we made snowman. And I really felt happy I was in Norway. Because of the snow! And because I met someone as wonderful as Thanh.
When summer came, I get to know another person. If Thanh had so much sunshine, she had more than so much. (I knew Thanh would agree) Sydelyn, that's her name. I haven't met a person as happy as she is. She's always excited about everything. Or should I say she always makes everything exciting. And she laughs so loud whenever she finds something funny. And yes, she's contagious. She loves to cook. And I am fat... you can blame her. hehehe When I see Sai, I could smile because I can see pancakes, french fries, ice cream and milkshake. hahaha At first, I thought she was one of those flighty people. And I told her about this and she just smiled. Because I was so wrong. I never thought I could share her my secrets. I'm such a melancholic person I could cry with trees. I never thought I could cry with her. But she, cried with me one time. And then I found out that she's more than what she shows she is. I love those walks and talks we had. We would go out at eleven in the evening and walk from Majorstuen to Nationaltheatret (which was really a long way when you don't know the road), and have some coffee and sit and talk and cry and laugh. One thing we had in common is we love books! We could stay inside a bookstore for a day, or even a week. hehe It was her who introduced me to Paulo Coelho. And she's an avid fan of Nora Roberts. I've learned a lot from her actually. Even though I'm crazy sometimes and I couldn't understand myself, she would be there. During those times I was so sad I requested to be alone, she never left me. Because she's afraid I'd die? hehehe
And then, I got addicted to a certain site. Yeah, Tagalog Online Pocketbook. I've always loved pocketbooks since I was on the sixth grade. I've always wanted to write one but I didn't really think I'd become a novelist. I just enjoy happy ever afters and destinies and true love. And I was so happy I could get to read stories for free! My top favorites were Love in Disguise by Yesha Lee, I Love You Long Before by Louise and For the Love of Aien by Nadine. I loved their stories. :) Plus, they were really nice. Their previous tagline was "Mga kuwento mula sa hindi kilalang manunulat." which was cute. And then, I didn't know what pushed me, whether it was because I wanted it or because I was inspired by the passion they had that I decided to send my story (which wasn't finished by that time) for review. And I was amazed by their feedbacks. It was my first time to share and I was really nervous I could breakdown. They found errors but they had positive comments as well. And because of that, I had my first story published online. I could remember it was Friday. And I was literally jumping all the way from Vinderen to Ate Joann's place in Hofftunet saying Thank you, Lord! over and over. I was so happy my heart could not contain it would seem to burst. And i am grateful again for all the people especially to my TOP family: foo, lousie, yesha, bench, blue and everyone who read it from beginning to end. And for my sister who was my very first reader of all those silly lovestories I wrote, I thank her with all my heart for being an avid fan. haha And also, for Sai and Chychy who read the story even when they were busy and encouraging me to write more. And for Earl and Veronica who were in my head for almost a year, I was thankful that from them emerged a story of love. I was planning to make a sequel. But I need tons of inspiration first. :)
And if there were happy moments, there were sad ones too. And because it's sad, I'm not comfortable sharing it with. It's just that the exact opposite of happiness could really tear you apart. For a thousand times I kept praying to be home but I couldn't be. I needed to stay. And I realized that just when you thought you were stronger, there will always be pain more painful than the pains you've encountered which cuts you deep and bleeds you to death. And the only consolation you have is that you are still breathing even when you are hurting so much. Which leads you to trusting the One who never failed you when all the things in the world had. I wouldn't want to relive those moments, but in those moments I felt so weak were actually the moments I had been so strong. And things happen for a purpose. And I'm holding on to my faith for whatever this world has to offer me.
And so, I was stabilizing... And was back to my old self. Happy with the world. :) I really am happy where I am now. Though I still yearn to be with my family, I still felt lucky I am where I am. And for my Norwegian host family, I'm grateful I became a part of them too. I came to know each one of them in a year. Kaspar (9 years old) was the one I spent most of my time with. I often go pick him up at the school. At first, he didn't want to. He said I was boring to be with. haha! We actually felt the same, I was bored with myself too. hehe But later on, he began talking. And I was talking too. He loved talking about skateboards. And he showed me how to do kick flip, back flip, and all his best skateboard tricks. He also showed me Tony Hawk in youtube. He had been wishing for PlanB skateboard since then. And this year, he got it, from his own money and he was so happy about it. And I was so happy for him. He liked to talk about cars too. we both liked the beautiful blue Ferrari we always see on the way home. And we were both shocked when we saw it deformed some months ago.
I had always liked the way he shouted in excitement everytime he gets what he wished for, happiness is really in his eyes. And I liked the way he sings Maligayang Bati (a Tagalog birthday song) and in return he taught me how to sing the Norwegian birthday song which goes like this, Hurra for deg som fyller ditt år! OY! Ja, deg vil vi gratulere! Alle i ring omkring deg vi står, og se, nå vil vi marsjere, OY! And I could sing the OY! part. hehe
We had English lessons sometimes. And at nine, he's good at English. But his favorite subject is Gymnastics. He just loves sports. Football and skiing are his top fave.
Ingrid (13 years old) is a sweet girl. She had been thoughtful eversince I was in the house. She was the one baking cakes or muffins whenever there's birthday (including mine). And she was the one giving cards and cookies and chocolates during christmas. She had grown tall and beautiful. She had always loved dogs since she was a child. She had a collection of mini dog dolls in her room, pictures and stickers, all dogs. It was during the summer that she finally had a dog. It was Hebbe, a kleiner munsterlander. They got him from Sweden and Ingrid loved Hebbe so much.
She loved everything about dogs. And she loved football also. She was the only girl in class doing sports. She loved dancing hip-hop. And she loves studying as well. She's one of the best students in the class. One thing we both loved is Twilight. She was so excited when the New Moon came to the cinema. She was there at the premiere together with Ranna and Celine who were also Twilight fanatics. And she had Twilight music in her phone. And she just shared it with me.
Anne is a sweet mother. And she is really beautiful. When I first met her I thought she was a model. She wasn't. She's just into fashion because that's her business. She owns a showroom (where I go clean sometimes and hang new clothes) where she sells designer dresses, shoes and bags for boutiques all over Norway. I guess that was a lot of work. She was busy most of the time. But she always have time for doing homework with Kaspar and Ingrid. Whenever she went to Paris or Denmark, she always leaves a note for the kids saying Mamma elske dere masse (Mommy loves you so much) which I think is very sweet. It makes my heart ache actually. And she's thoughtful. She always wanted me to relax and to go out especially when the weather is sunny.
Einar, well, is a good father. A strict one. But he's got humor also. He's an engineer but he had been around the house. He was the handyman. He said he prefered being in the house than anywhere else. He was the one taking care of everything at home. He was the one cooking too. He's perfectionist. I mean, when you do things, you should do it the right way and you should do your best. And you shouldn't do the hard way because there's always an easy way to do it. I've learned a lot from him actually.
And Hebbe, who will be turning one year old this year, he never failed to amuse me. Whenever he's outside, he would go all around the house, investigating, I guess. He would scratch the ground and smell it and then cover it up again. And whenever we are walking, there's a place he loved to pee. And he becomes alert whenever he smells another dogs' pee. And he knows a lot of tricks now. It's so amazing to see how much he have grown. When he came into the house he was a small cute puppy with flappy ears and black fur except for his tail and neck which was white. Now he's five times bigger I think. And I love those times he looks at me with those sad eyes. And I asked him what's wrong and he'd turn his head sideways looking puzzled. He's cute. :)
A year has gone. And I could recall everything in a blink of an eye. I just couldn't write it all here. How did it happen so fast? But the year contained experiences and people whom have touched my life. And I'd like to thank you all. THANK YOU!!! there's still another year. Hopefully a happy one :)
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