birthday blog
from: ME (My own version of my Everything)
If my calculations are right I was made on the celebration of the first civil wedding anniversary of Mama and Papa. (If I'm wrong, I just hope no one sues me for this. hehe) So, April 27, 1985 ,a few months after my elder sister was born, (or weeks before that) my parents felt so in love that led to the meeting and joining of a male gamete and the female gamete that stayed at my mother's womb. That was me. (I looked like a strange tadpole at that time by the way.)
I was there. I was inside my mother's womb and I didn't bother to tell her. I was shy from the very beginning. So I just took my time to grow. She would know when I come out anyway.hehe I just thought she was so thin and she was having a hard time taking care of my sister and her work at school. My father looked tired too. It was their first time to have a child. So I could see how they struggled to adjust to the new life they built together. I could see how they wished everything was perfect. I could feel that hope that everything will be alright.
I grew little by little. My mother really loved fish, ('sinugbang isda' to be precise). And she loved it more with Sprite and Tanduay (ewww). But I think, I loved that, too. It was on the fourth month that Mama felt sick (and I was sick too) and took a drug. That was awesome. Never felt dizzy in my life. haha! rock 'n roll
Kidding aside, I felt her sadness when she learned that she was carrying me. She felt so sad I might catch abnormalities because of the drug she took (which unfortunately I had in terms of the way I think). And she felt so sad because she couldn't face the people for being pregnant when my sister was only a few months old. How did I know? I was inside her. I could feel her. Plus, I could go inside her brains whenever I want to. :)
So, Christmas came. Yehey!!! It was fun. I didn't know what was exactly going on outside but I sure knew it was fun. FUN! Because I felt Mama and Papa and Ate Geegile happy. I heard that she could crawl now. And she could speak little words. Ain't that cute? :)
And then, silently, I heard my mother prayed. She prayed so hard for me to stay a couple of days. She wished she could make it to the new year with me inside her. She prayed... And I prayed with her. It was no problem with me. I'd like to be born at the year of the Tiger anyway.hehe So, what I did was held my grip firmly. I shouldn't slip!
New year, 1986. It was happy!!! Firecrackers got my little nerves but that was part of it. You wouldn't be grateful about silence when you don't get to hear loud noise! So, hurray! 1986! Welcome to the year of the Tiger! Raaarrrr!!! It's okay to go out anytime! I felt the sigh of relief from my mother. And we were just grateful God heard us, yahoo! Could you believe it? He also heard me! And I barely had a voice then!
January 05, 1986. When the time arrives, you'll feel it. And I've felt it. We were at the hospital when I finally... breathe. Hello world! My mother didn't have much of those labor pressures. I didn't want her to get hurt and all. So I came out. Slowly but surely... :) I cried. But only a little. I cried silently. (I was shy my voice might be a little hoarse than normal babies are.) But do they really know why babies cry? It's because they're shouting for their mothers! I don't know if all babies are like me but that was what I was crying for. I wanted to be with my mother! And then, I saw her... She was lying on the white sheets, almost unconscious. She was beautiful... And she was smiling at me! I suddenly heard a beat... It was my own heart. My heart was beating alone. Somehow, I already missed those loud thumps I always hear 24/7. So when the doctor hand me to my mother, I was more than eager to be with her.
When my mother's hand wrapped around me, I've never felt so much love. It's the kind of feeling you don't forget... because it's the kind of feeling you always miss... the kind of feeling you'd always want to remember.
I was so tiny then... But I felt so safe with her arms around me. I used to call it 'wrap-of-love' kind of hold.
Minutes later, I saw my father. Gee, he looked so strong. And he had this tough yet soft look. It was like he was proud and so happy but remained his composure. (I'll never get to explain how he felt actually unless I become a man, too.) There were a lot of people too. They came to look at me. I tried to wink but was too shy to do so, so I just shut my eyes. And I slept.
The next thing, I was at home with my big sister's little hand in mine :) And we are a family. Life's so beautiful. :)
from: Mama Didith
January 05, 1986 at 1:43 am at the Bohol Provincial Hospital, a very cute, beautiful, blue-eyelid baby girl was born to a beautiful mother at her early 30s... The doctor, nurses and the attendants were amazed at the beauty of the new born baby who looks like a foreigner, as the onlooker would exclaim! "Gwapaha man na nga baby oi!" And they would run to the ward where the beautiful mother took her rest after giving birth.
After a month, the baby girl was baptized and named Frailyn Rosagaran Macul...
Inday Ayeth grew kinabuotanan nga bata... reserved type, smart and intelligent.. Graduated valedictorian in elementary and salutatorian on secondary. A prolific writer and a wide reader, a painter, and an artist.
She's quiet but down to earth. She went to college but due to family problems was forced to quit school and decided to work outside the Philippines. How my heart bleeds... But the family was blessed with her decision.
She has done a lot of sacrifice for her mother and the family. Stretching both ends to meet and solve family problems.. I thank God for giving me the birthday girl at her 24th natal day.
Reply:
I was laughing when I read this, Ma. I was touched. And I was flattered. Though everything may be some sort of exageration, I do believe those were all you see in me. And I never felt so happy that you think of me that way.
I have always been at the side. I never stepped up. But I have always prayed for an opportunity for you to be proud of me.
But truth is, I haven't done anything yet. Yes, I helped our family and I am so happy about that but I am still lacking in some ways. In some other ways you'd be happy I'm your child. Because I've failed you once... and I haven't done anything about that.
It wasn't so true that I was forced to quit school. A part of you knows that... It was a sign I asked from God. I've asked Him for so long to take me out from that path... I wasn't meant to be an engineer. I once wanted to become one. And I felt at home with all the friends around me. But it wasn't for me... I knew it wasn't for me. I'm so sorry I failed you. I failed Papa. It was his dream he wished I could reach. And I felt so bad about that... Somehow I wished I was as tough as Ate Geegile, she bravely faced everything, accepted everything and she has made you all proud and happy. She just fulfilled your dreams... And I felt like something insíde me is stinging because I was not strong enough to fulfill your dreams for me... I'm so sorry. I really am.
But it isn't over yet. I don't know how to do it but someday, I'll make you proud. I owe it to you... I'll make you and Papa the happiest parents in this planet. :)
Thank you so much for everything. You are the best parents in the whole universe!
from: Fragile Rosagaran Macul
It's her 24th birthday.
I was thinking again, how could I make her day special? My brain went bleeding…as well as my heart…Distance has just something to do with it…Because all I really want to do now is hug her… a very warm embrace that would tell everything even if I don’t speak.
Things just changed over time…and at times it takes time for me accept that. Why should distance mean distance.
Before, I have always been her look out. I would not allow anything that would hurt her, and I would do things the best I can just to see her smile. The best time for me was seeing her turn at me and give that shy-thankful smile. I was just contented if I know she is okey.
Her eyes just always tell me something. And the most unforgiving time was seeing her cry and in pain. I have always wished I could ease her pain. I have always wished her smile would always be at hand and she would always find it in her heart. I don’t want to see her cry because the pain in me is much more.
Now that we've been far for 29 months, I would plead guilty. I was not always good in dealing with distance. Sometimes I fail to communicate and fail to keep in touch. Just because I've been experiencing hard times, I focused more on it, leaving more important things behind.
I plead guilty for being not there always…in those times she needed me…at those times she needed Ate…
...I plead guilty for not having done anything big for her…
I plead guilty for just planning and not putting it into action…
I plead guilty for not knowing how she is exactly at the moment.
She has been into a lot...and I can't imagine how she went through it…without me, without us by her side.
I don't know exactly what's on her mind right now…and I hate myself…I hate not knowing the why's and how's because I know it will take time.
All I wish for her is goodness. She has been very good and I pray God would give her the goodness in life that she best deserves. I pray she will feel good in herself, and I hope she will just be fine. I pray she will be home with us soon…see her smile and give her my warmest hug…and I will do my best to make her feel the same way as before.
Lord, I love her so much. Please do keep her safe and happy on her birthday and for this gift of another year of life. Thank you Lord for giving me a sister like her…the sister that I would not trade in for anything. I wish she is fine. I wish she is ok. I wish she's happy.
On her 24th natal day, I wish for calmness of her mind, pureness of spirit, and that she may feel our heartfelt love (from all of us who loves her.)
I love you yeth...as inssss....
Reply:
I'm tougher now. I don't cry that much so you don't need to worry!
Alright, honestly, 29 months is a bit too much. It did change me. A lot. I have taught myself to be strong. And I knew, you are happy about it, because you wanted me to be strong. I have taught myself to shield from all sorts of unhappiness. Life is too short to be spent on worries and sadness over things we couldn't have. So why not enjoy the moment and learn to be happy with the things within your reach?
In all those times, I tried to be strong and brave. I became tough. And I cry less every night until I cry no more. When I cry no more, it also means that I feel no more. I just let things be. I let the times pass. And it's only now that I realized how I had been...
I'm sort of guilty, too...
I plead guilty for being not there always…in those times you, mama, papa, eboy, ayen and everyone i love needed me...
I plead guilty for not having done anything big for our family…
I plead guilty for just planning and not putting it into action…
I plead guilty for not knowing how all of you are exactly at the moment...
We all had been through a lot...and I can't imagine how I went through it…selfishly... Managing my own pain, setting aside yours...
That was horrifying... that was not so me...
Because of my eagerness to escape from sadness, I refused to feel anything. I became numb. I set aside my feelings which meant setting aside yours. I grew tired of wishing and decided to let happiness find its way to me. I made no effort at all thinking it will all be useless.
And I'm not happy about that...
One thing I realized is that, I may not spoke so much about it but, there's one thing I keep on wishing. It's the hope for us to be together... I missed calling you 'Ate!'.. I missed being called 'Day...' I missed being called 'BakYet.' I missed being called 'TaYet!' I missed being called 'Yet!'...
There's a lot I missed actually. There's just a lot to miss!
But bottom line is, you need not feel guilty about anything. (though I felt really good because I've felt how much you loved me, char!) We all have our fair share in life. You got yours, I got mine. We had different shortcomings but that's what a family is for, I believe. We may have different duties and responsibilities but when you're one hand short, you can have mine both! hehe
I love you Te. I dread these painful times we've been apart. But you see, we always knew what meant most to us when we're away.
And I just love US. It will never change. Thank you for being with me in my 24 years of existence.
" I would like to express my gratitude to everyone who greeted me on my birthday (including those I forced to greet me). Thank you so much. Your Happy Birthday! made my day. I was deeply touched with those who I didn't expect to remember. And those that took time to write cards and made cakes, sent me an sms, ym, email, fb message, called, gave gift, and sang a birthday song--I really thank you with all my heart. May God bless you all in all the days of our existence. Luv yah!!!"
If my calculations are right I was made on the celebration of the first civil wedding anniversary of Mama and Papa. (If I'm wrong, I just hope no one sues me for this. hehe) So, April 27, 1985 ,a few months after my elder sister was born, (or weeks before that) my parents felt so in love that led to the meeting and joining of a male gamete and the female gamete that stayed at my mother's womb. That was me. (I looked like a strange tadpole at that time by the way.)
I was there. I was inside my mother's womb and I didn't bother to tell her. I was shy from the very beginning. So I just took my time to grow. She would know when I come out anyway.hehe I just thought she was so thin and she was having a hard time taking care of my sister and her work at school. My father looked tired too. It was their first time to have a child. So I could see how they struggled to adjust to the new life they built together. I could see how they wished everything was perfect. I could feel that hope that everything will be alright.
I grew little by little. My mother really loved fish, ('sinugbang isda' to be precise). And she loved it more with Sprite and Tanduay (ewww). But I think, I loved that, too. It was on the fourth month that Mama felt sick (and I was sick too) and took a drug. That was awesome. Never felt dizzy in my life. haha! rock 'n roll
Kidding aside, I felt her sadness when she learned that she was carrying me. She felt so sad I might catch abnormalities because of the drug she took (which unfortunately I had in terms of the way I think). And she felt so sad because she couldn't face the people for being pregnant when my sister was only a few months old. How did I know? I was inside her. I could feel her. Plus, I could go inside her brains whenever I want to. :)
So, Christmas came. Yehey!!! It was fun. I didn't know what was exactly going on outside but I sure knew it was fun. FUN! Because I felt Mama and Papa and Ate Geegile happy. I heard that she could crawl now. And she could speak little words. Ain't that cute? :)
And then, silently, I heard my mother prayed. She prayed so hard for me to stay a couple of days. She wished she could make it to the new year with me inside her. She prayed... And I prayed with her. It was no problem with me. I'd like to be born at the year of the Tiger anyway.hehe So, what I did was held my grip firmly. I shouldn't slip!
New year, 1986. It was happy!!! Firecrackers got my little nerves but that was part of it. You wouldn't be grateful about silence when you don't get to hear loud noise! So, hurray! 1986! Welcome to the year of the Tiger! Raaarrrr!!! It's okay to go out anytime! I felt the sigh of relief from my mother. And we were just grateful God heard us, yahoo! Could you believe it? He also heard me! And I barely had a voice then!
January 05, 1986. When the time arrives, you'll feel it. And I've felt it. We were at the hospital when I finally... breathe. Hello world! My mother didn't have much of those labor pressures. I didn't want her to get hurt and all. So I came out. Slowly but surely... :) I cried. But only a little. I cried silently. (I was shy my voice might be a little hoarse than normal babies are.) But do they really know why babies cry? It's because they're shouting for their mothers! I don't know if all babies are like me but that was what I was crying for. I wanted to be with my mother! And then, I saw her... She was lying on the white sheets, almost unconscious. She was beautiful... And she was smiling at me! I suddenly heard a beat... It was my own heart. My heart was beating alone. Somehow, I already missed those loud thumps I always hear 24/7. So when the doctor hand me to my mother, I was more than eager to be with her.
When my mother's hand wrapped around me, I've never felt so much love. It's the kind of feeling you don't forget... because it's the kind of feeling you always miss... the kind of feeling you'd always want to remember.
I was so tiny then... But I felt so safe with her arms around me. I used to call it 'wrap-of-love' kind of hold.
Minutes later, I saw my father. Gee, he looked so strong. And he had this tough yet soft look. It was like he was proud and so happy but remained his composure. (I'll never get to explain how he felt actually unless I become a man, too.) There were a lot of people too. They came to look at me. I tried to wink but was too shy to do so, so I just shut my eyes. And I slept.
The next thing, I was at home with my big sister's little hand in mine :) And we are a family. Life's so beautiful. :)
from: Mama Didith
January 05, 1986 at 1:43 am at the Bohol Provincial Hospital, a very cute, beautiful, blue-eyelid baby girl was born to a beautiful mother at her early 30s... The doctor, nurses and the attendants were amazed at the beauty of the new born baby who looks like a foreigner, as the onlooker would exclaim! "Gwapaha man na nga baby oi!" And they would run to the ward where the beautiful mother took her rest after giving birth.
After a month, the baby girl was baptized and named Frailyn Rosagaran Macul...
Inday Ayeth grew kinabuotanan nga bata... reserved type, smart and intelligent.. Graduated valedictorian in elementary and salutatorian on secondary. A prolific writer and a wide reader, a painter, and an artist.
She's quiet but down to earth. She went to college but due to family problems was forced to quit school and decided to work outside the Philippines. How my heart bleeds... But the family was blessed with her decision.
She has done a lot of sacrifice for her mother and the family. Stretching both ends to meet and solve family problems.. I thank God for giving me the birthday girl at her 24th natal day.
Reply:
I was laughing when I read this, Ma. I was touched. And I was flattered. Though everything may be some sort of exageration, I do believe those were all you see in me. And I never felt so happy that you think of me that way.
I have always been at the side. I never stepped up. But I have always prayed for an opportunity for you to be proud of me.
But truth is, I haven't done anything yet. Yes, I helped our family and I am so happy about that but I am still lacking in some ways. In some other ways you'd be happy I'm your child. Because I've failed you once... and I haven't done anything about that.
It wasn't so true that I was forced to quit school. A part of you knows that... It was a sign I asked from God. I've asked Him for so long to take me out from that path... I wasn't meant to be an engineer. I once wanted to become one. And I felt at home with all the friends around me. But it wasn't for me... I knew it wasn't for me. I'm so sorry I failed you. I failed Papa. It was his dream he wished I could reach. And I felt so bad about that... Somehow I wished I was as tough as Ate Geegile, she bravely faced everything, accepted everything and she has made you all proud and happy. She just fulfilled your dreams... And I felt like something insíde me is stinging because I was not strong enough to fulfill your dreams for me... I'm so sorry. I really am.
But it isn't over yet. I don't know how to do it but someday, I'll make you proud. I owe it to you... I'll make you and Papa the happiest parents in this planet. :)
Thank you so much for everything. You are the best parents in the whole universe!
from: Fragile Rosagaran Macul
It's her 24th birthday.
I was thinking again, how could I make her day special? My brain went bleeding…as well as my heart…Distance has just something to do with it…Because all I really want to do now is hug her… a very warm embrace that would tell everything even if I don’t speak.
Things just changed over time…and at times it takes time for me accept that. Why should distance mean distance.
Before, I have always been her look out. I would not allow anything that would hurt her, and I would do things the best I can just to see her smile. The best time for me was seeing her turn at me and give that shy-thankful smile. I was just contented if I know she is okey.
Her eyes just always tell me something. And the most unforgiving time was seeing her cry and in pain. I have always wished I could ease her pain. I have always wished her smile would always be at hand and she would always find it in her heart. I don’t want to see her cry because the pain in me is much more.
Now that we've been far for 29 months, I would plead guilty. I was not always good in dealing with distance. Sometimes I fail to communicate and fail to keep in touch. Just because I've been experiencing hard times, I focused more on it, leaving more important things behind.
I plead guilty for being not there always…in those times she needed me…at those times she needed Ate…
...I plead guilty for not having done anything big for her…
I plead guilty for just planning and not putting it into action…
I plead guilty for not knowing how she is exactly at the moment.
She has been into a lot...and I can't imagine how she went through it…without me, without us by her side.
I don't know exactly what's on her mind right now…and I hate myself…I hate not knowing the why's and how's because I know it will take time.
All I wish for her is goodness. She has been very good and I pray God would give her the goodness in life that she best deserves. I pray she will feel good in herself, and I hope she will just be fine. I pray she will be home with us soon…see her smile and give her my warmest hug…and I will do my best to make her feel the same way as before.
Lord, I love her so much. Please do keep her safe and happy on her birthday and for this gift of another year of life. Thank you Lord for giving me a sister like her…the sister that I would not trade in for anything. I wish she is fine. I wish she is ok. I wish she's happy.
On her 24th natal day, I wish for calmness of her mind, pureness of spirit, and that she may feel our heartfelt love (from all of us who loves her.)
I love you yeth...as inssss....
Reply:
I'm tougher now. I don't cry that much so you don't need to worry!
Alright, honestly, 29 months is a bit too much. It did change me. A lot. I have taught myself to be strong. And I knew, you are happy about it, because you wanted me to be strong. I have taught myself to shield from all sorts of unhappiness. Life is too short to be spent on worries and sadness over things we couldn't have. So why not enjoy the moment and learn to be happy with the things within your reach?
In all those times, I tried to be strong and brave. I became tough. And I cry less every night until I cry no more. When I cry no more, it also means that I feel no more. I just let things be. I let the times pass. And it's only now that I realized how I had been...
I'm sort of guilty, too...
I plead guilty for being not there always…in those times you, mama, papa, eboy, ayen and everyone i love needed me...
I plead guilty for not having done anything big for our family…
I plead guilty for just planning and not putting it into action…
I plead guilty for not knowing how all of you are exactly at the moment...
We all had been through a lot...and I can't imagine how I went through it…selfishly... Managing my own pain, setting aside yours...
That was horrifying... that was not so me...
Because of my eagerness to escape from sadness, I refused to feel anything. I became numb. I set aside my feelings which meant setting aside yours. I grew tired of wishing and decided to let happiness find its way to me. I made no effort at all thinking it will all be useless.
And I'm not happy about that...
One thing I realized is that, I may not spoke so much about it but, there's one thing I keep on wishing. It's the hope for us to be together... I missed calling you 'Ate!'.. I missed being called 'Day...' I missed being called 'BakYet.' I missed being called 'TaYet!' I missed being called 'Yet!'...
There's a lot I missed actually. There's just a lot to miss!
But bottom line is, you need not feel guilty about anything. (though I felt really good because I've felt how much you loved me, char!) We all have our fair share in life. You got yours, I got mine. We had different shortcomings but that's what a family is for, I believe. We may have different duties and responsibilities but when you're one hand short, you can have mine both! hehe
I love you Te. I dread these painful times we've been apart. But you see, we always knew what meant most to us when we're away.
And I just love US. It will never change. Thank you for being with me in my 24 years of existence.
" I would like to express my gratitude to everyone who greeted me on my birthday (including those I forced to greet me). Thank you so much. Your Happy Birthday! made my day. I was deeply touched with those who I didn't expect to remember. And those that took time to write cards and made cakes, sent me an sms, ym, email, fb message, called, gave gift, and sang a birthday song--I really thank you with all my heart. May God bless you all in all the days of our existence. Luv yah!!!"
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