birthday card
"Just got home from school… it’s freezing cold outside. Thank God, winter jackets are made..
anywayz, just wanna express my heartfelt gratitude to God and to all the angels and saints and to Mama Mary and to those who have sincerely prayed for my happiness for what happened last Sunday..
Here it goes:
I went home with a heavy heart. I didn’t know if it has something to do with the nice weekend we had, or i was just missing home so much, or i was just too worried how Ate Geegile was at the moment. I was alone then as i get into the train.
Seconds passed and a tear rolled down from my eyes, then another followed, then another, and so on and so forth until my jacket was visibly wet. I didn’t mind at all. I just let the tears flow, hoping they would take away all the sadness there is in my heart.
So, i was crying..but silently, i didn’t wail of course.hehe… i mean. huhuhu.. I remembered a lot of things when i was yet new here, i didn’t know anyone. And i have been alone.. and i have been crying like a child lost in the wilderness. I have been missing a lot- those that i used to do, see, feel, taste- everything. i just missed everything.
But before i got carried away with my emotions, i tried to pacify myself.. So i was convincing myself, i am stronger now. I shouldn’t cry.. And so, my tears behaved and didn’t come running down like rain until the train stopped in Rungsted Kyst.
I walked through the same road i’ve walked every weekend. I saw #7 house and suddenly, something tugged me, I remembered Inday. She has been my companion until she went home… the feeling of missing someone special was there again.
As I went inside the house, i tried to look happy. Jens was with his laptop and a few exchange of hellos and i’m off to my room.
But then, as I went downstairs the sad feeling was there again. And my heart skipped a bit as i saw a medium sized brown envelope lying at my door. Suddenly I was unable to move. Didn’t even matter if I was breathing at the moment. i was confused whether to take one step forward or one back. i did both anyway. Emotions were ripping off all of me as i took the envelope, hurriedly closed the door behind me and cried so hard as my hands trembled opening the three-stamped envelope from home.
I knew what it was.. I knew I’m gonna receive it. But why was i acting so weird like i’m about to die if i open it? I couldn’t control my cries.. i just burried my head on my pillow and released all the emotions i had inside.. it took a lot of time before i calmed down. And as I began reading the birthday card Mama, Papa, Ate Geegile, Eboy and Ayen wrote, I was crying and sobbing silently.
That was weird.. I lost control of myself, like i was at the brink of my sanity. It’s the most painful yet the sweetest emotion I ever felt in my whole life… for i was so so sad yet, so so happy at the same time. At that very moment, I have felt the love my family has for me.. and i felt so so sorry i wasn’t there for them through those happy, especially sad times they went through without me and i knew, they wanted me to be there… I so longed to be with them.. I missed them so much that it hurts.
I was so happy for the card… it was like an open window from the heart of our very home… a connection from the kind of world i truly belonged. There has been a lot of changes- like my daughter Tasie being able to deliver Bulldog without me (which reminds me, i never knew who the father is!), or like Sadam being so amazingly alive or like Socky Boy deciding to pursue his manhood because of Denden. These might be crap… but these are those that i could relate into.. they’re portions of my life.. of our family’s life…
i missed them so much…
i am missing them so much…
But I just need to get hold of myself before I totally breakdown because of these emotions. I just need to stay focused.. after all, what i am doing is for them… so that soon… hopefully very, very soon.. we’ll be together again.. and perhaps, spend christmas together…
hopefully….
it’s been in my prayers…
i just wanted to express my gratitude for my family who made that day special.. that Sunday which has been an extension of my birthday.. Thanks a lot to you.. i love you all so so so much!
God be our strength…
anywayz, just wanna express my heartfelt gratitude to God and to all the angels and saints and to Mama Mary and to those who have sincerely prayed for my happiness for what happened last Sunday..
Here it goes:
I went home with a heavy heart. I didn’t know if it has something to do with the nice weekend we had, or i was just missing home so much, or i was just too worried how Ate Geegile was at the moment. I was alone then as i get into the train.
Seconds passed and a tear rolled down from my eyes, then another followed, then another, and so on and so forth until my jacket was visibly wet. I didn’t mind at all. I just let the tears flow, hoping they would take away all the sadness there is in my heart.
So, i was crying..but silently, i didn’t wail of course.hehe… i mean. huhuhu.. I remembered a lot of things when i was yet new here, i didn’t know anyone. And i have been alone.. and i have been crying like a child lost in the wilderness. I have been missing a lot- those that i used to do, see, feel, taste- everything. i just missed everything.
But before i got carried away with my emotions, i tried to pacify myself.. So i was convincing myself, i am stronger now. I shouldn’t cry.. And so, my tears behaved and didn’t come running down like rain until the train stopped in Rungsted Kyst.
I walked through the same road i’ve walked every weekend. I saw #7 house and suddenly, something tugged me, I remembered Inday. She has been my companion until she went home… the feeling of missing someone special was there again.
As I went inside the house, i tried to look happy. Jens was with his laptop and a few exchange of hellos and i’m off to my room.
But then, as I went downstairs the sad feeling was there again. And my heart skipped a bit as i saw a medium sized brown envelope lying at my door. Suddenly I was unable to move. Didn’t even matter if I was breathing at the moment. i was confused whether to take one step forward or one back. i did both anyway. Emotions were ripping off all of me as i took the envelope, hurriedly closed the door behind me and cried so hard as my hands trembled opening the three-stamped envelope from home.
I knew what it was.. I knew I’m gonna receive it. But why was i acting so weird like i’m about to die if i open it? I couldn’t control my cries.. i just burried my head on my pillow and released all the emotions i had inside.. it took a lot of time before i calmed down. And as I began reading the birthday card Mama, Papa, Ate Geegile, Eboy and Ayen wrote, I was crying and sobbing silently.
That was weird.. I lost control of myself, like i was at the brink of my sanity. It’s the most painful yet the sweetest emotion I ever felt in my whole life… for i was so so sad yet, so so happy at the same time. At that very moment, I have felt the love my family has for me.. and i felt so so sorry i wasn’t there for them through those happy, especially sad times they went through without me and i knew, they wanted me to be there… I so longed to be with them.. I missed them so much that it hurts.
I was so happy for the card… it was like an open window from the heart of our very home… a connection from the kind of world i truly belonged. There has been a lot of changes- like my daughter Tasie being able to deliver Bulldog without me (which reminds me, i never knew who the father is!), or like Sadam being so amazingly alive or like Socky Boy deciding to pursue his manhood because of Denden. These might be crap… but these are those that i could relate into.. they’re portions of my life.. of our family’s life…
i missed them so much…
i am missing them so much…
But I just need to get hold of myself before I totally breakdown because of these emotions. I just need to stay focused.. after all, what i am doing is for them… so that soon… hopefully very, very soon.. we’ll be together again.. and perhaps, spend christmas together…
hopefully….
it’s been in my prayers…
i just wanted to express my gratitude for my family who made that day special.. that Sunday which has been an extension of my birthday.. Thanks a lot to you.. i love you all so so so much!
God be our strength…
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