a letter to God

Dearest Lord,

I thank Thee for today… for the numerous blessings, countless miracles, steadfast love, overflowing mercy, unfathomable kindness and unending grace...

I thank Thee for Your love is never changing… that even though I sinned so many times, You always call my name. I will be forever grateful for Your love for me… for us… For You always take care of things too great for us to bear. Today, I would like to give thanks for all You’ve done for us... and I would like to ask for Your forgiveness for focusing on our own sufferings not knowing that You suffered with us. We oftentimes forget that when we suffer, You suffer too, for You love us. I have realized that when we love a person, we can be greatly affected by their pains, we cry when they cry, we weep when they have lost, we are pained in their anguish… so I know now how each trial affects You. You maybe after our growth, for the lessons we can learn, for the strength that we can gain… that may be is the reason why sometimes You choose us to fall… even Jesus had suffered... even Mama Mary… even the saints. Who are we to complain?

I think I have a better understanding of Your will now… Though sometimes I can be so immature and worldly, I know that all You do is for the best of us. And even if you have the power to shield us from pain, You don’t do that all the time because great things are learned from the greatest sufferings… Maybe, that is also for us to be truly grateful for the times You did save us from the pain.

Lord… have I thanked You enough? I guess not… I know that all moment of my life should be spent giving thanks for all the prayers You have answered. The most impossible ones were heard, and I thank You. Looking back, well, honestly, I never want to look back at those times we were so lost, so pained, so desperate, almost close to being hopeless but I know I’ve got to, to know how greatly I thank Thee. The tears we’ve shed, the things we’ve wept for, those that we prayed day and night have finally reached heaven. Thank You Lord… Thank You for Mama Mary… Thank You for the saints… Thank You for the angels, both unseen and those that You’ve sent on earth to help us.

Your power is beautiful Lord. I guess I had no better adjective with what I think of You… All I know is I love You so much that I want to cry right now. I am really sorry if I have failed You. Do I still have time, Lord? Will I still be able to keep up? I know that there are lessons I need to learn but I refuse to. Your plans for me have been altered because of my misjudgment and impulsiveness… and maybe, I have not prayed enough too… and I am thinking out so loud that I don’t hear You… Sorry Lord if I have not trusted You… I have let fear led the way for me… I had let desperation take me. I had let my heart to be imprisoned in crossroads that I didn’t know which way to go. I have covered myself with sins. I have tarnished the purity of my own soul…

But despite all these things, I remain hopeful. I guess what keeps me standing in the ground is my love for You which never ends because of Your love for me. I have realized that no matter how many times I sinned, I keep coming back to You because I love You. You are the only One that matters most. I wish and I pray that I could keep You all the time. I want to come back to You again and sin no more. I want to be pure again… I want to live life with a pure heart, pure thought and pure soul.

Will You help me stand up again? I have fallen… weakened… broken. Restore me Lord. And let me live in accordance to Your will.

Am I ready to take Your cross? I honestly don’t know… but one thing for sure, basta naa Ka Lord, ma-okay man ang tanan.

Please be with us always… Bless our live Lord that we may be blessings to others. Help us make the right decision. Teach us Your ways that we may be saved… that we may walk in this earth with the yearning of seeing You in heaven. We love You Lord… Please make us worthy… If you have to break us, break us and then remake us…

May Your Holy Name be praised forever… All these things I give thanks and I ask in Jesus’ name together with the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen.

                                                      Always,

                                                      Ayeth