on track
I just realized that life is a series of new realizations.
The newest and freshest realization I just came up with is this-- "Everything happens for a reason." Not new... I've read this line hundreds of times before but only now that it has made sense... in my life, to be precise. And I am just grateful for every person I met and soon to meet, for every place I have been (whether I liked it or not), for every situation I encountered (good or worst), and for every single lesson I have learned since the beginning of time. My time, I mean.
It's kind of sad that I only realized this now or should I say, I only took notice of it just now and I just understood it's full meaning just now. I could have saved myself some liters of tears. But then I knew, that too, was for a reason.
If I began to ask WHY, there surely is an answer. A lot of answers, actually. I just totally ignored it because I focused on the pain so much. I dwell on bitterness so much. And I learned to love it and cultivate it that my heart has been covered with the totality of it. How can I ever feel when I have become so numb?
It was just weeks ago that I loathed everything that was happening. I loathed my life. I keep on asking, when will it ever be mine? When can I be where I want to be and be together with who I wanted to be? Why can't my life be just the way I want it to be?
But since that moment I brokedown and fell into my knees and cried fervently and began to pray, everything has changed. Everyone encouraged me to go on. Someone sent me a message "Always look on the bright side of life." And I did. And I felt like I'm guided with some invisible hand. The same hand that dries my tears away everytime I cry.
Looking back, I felt ashamed for that. That was so mean...Ungrateful... Totally ungrateful... My life is beautiful. Just like everybody else's. I should be grateful for it. Because I'm living. I'm alive. I'm breathing. And I can kick whoever I want. haha
And besides, no one can live my life better than I do. Likewise, I cannot be a better person had I been living another person's life. My life may not be perfect. It may not be the best. It may not contain of people I need. It may not be filled with things I want. But it is mine. It's a gift from God. He gave it to me without me asking for it. Therefore, I should better take care of it. And be the person He wants me to be. I just need to follow the path laid before me. And to understand myself better so I can understand others better and understand the world better and be able to give love more and more each day.
At this point of time I am okay. I am starting to look forward. I'm starting to realize my dreams or most appropriately, God's dreams for me.
This doesn't mean that I won't cry anymore. This simply means I have come to know the reason for each tear I shed and understand why it should fall. And everything will fall into place. I just have to keep myself on track.
Well, that doesn't worry me. After all, everything has been written. :)
The newest and freshest realization I just came up with is this-- "Everything happens for a reason." Not new... I've read this line hundreds of times before but only now that it has made sense... in my life, to be precise. And I am just grateful for every person I met and soon to meet, for every place I have been (whether I liked it or not), for every situation I encountered (good or worst), and for every single lesson I have learned since the beginning of time. My time, I mean.
It's kind of sad that I only realized this now or should I say, I only took notice of it just now and I just understood it's full meaning just now. I could have saved myself some liters of tears. But then I knew, that too, was for a reason.
If I began to ask WHY, there surely is an answer. A lot of answers, actually. I just totally ignored it because I focused on the pain so much. I dwell on bitterness so much. And I learned to love it and cultivate it that my heart has been covered with the totality of it. How can I ever feel when I have become so numb?
It was just weeks ago that I loathed everything that was happening. I loathed my life. I keep on asking, when will it ever be mine? When can I be where I want to be and be together with who I wanted to be? Why can't my life be just the way I want it to be?
But since that moment I brokedown and fell into my knees and cried fervently and began to pray, everything has changed. Everyone encouraged me to go on. Someone sent me a message "Always look on the bright side of life." And I did. And I felt like I'm guided with some invisible hand. The same hand that dries my tears away everytime I cry.
Looking back, I felt ashamed for that. That was so mean...Ungrateful... Totally ungrateful... My life is beautiful. Just like everybody else's. I should be grateful for it. Because I'm living. I'm alive. I'm breathing. And I can kick whoever I want. haha
And besides, no one can live my life better than I do. Likewise, I cannot be a better person had I been living another person's life. My life may not be perfect. It may not be the best. It may not contain of people I need. It may not be filled with things I want. But it is mine. It's a gift from God. He gave it to me without me asking for it. Therefore, I should better take care of it. And be the person He wants me to be. I just need to follow the path laid before me. And to understand myself better so I can understand others better and understand the world better and be able to give love more and more each day.
At this point of time I am okay. I am starting to look forward. I'm starting to realize my dreams or most appropriately, God's dreams for me.
This doesn't mean that I won't cry anymore. This simply means I have come to know the reason for each tear I shed and understand why it should fall. And everything will fall into place. I just have to keep myself on track.
Well, that doesn't worry me. After all, everything has been written. :)
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