for my Ate

“My heart’s a bit glad and a bit sad today… i would prefer to be glad of course because today is a very special day of the one whom i love so so so much. It’s just funny how the same reason makes me feel sad too…

What does my heart want to say at this very moment?.. oh yeah, i’m a bit distracted because i have a lot of things to do. i haven’t even had my breakfast nor my lunch… but i had prepared some food, which i hope my host family would like- spring rolls (kay feel nako ang fiesta ug birthday spirit), lasagna (nga kan-onon kuno ug iring ingon ag alaga ni Sheila), and some pork with vegetable cream sauce (ehem, imbento, gama-gama ang show). But the urge to pour out what’s inside of me has made me uncomfortable so here i am, typing the words which hasn’t really revealed how i really feel today.

I am…

thankful.

Okay, that’s it..

I am blessed because God has given me the best family not everyone can have. And most of all, for giving me a sister, who is not just a sister but an ATE who has been my source of strength for the past years of my life and for all the years to come. Today, she turns 23 (we were both 22 yesterday), can’t believe time has gone by so quickly.

She has been my companion (since birth!) and it’s just amazing how i haven’t had enough of her. The times we were with each other were never enough. Yeah, we quarrel, we pull each other’s hairs, we get irritated by our difference -but those were never enough to pull us apart.. and after all we’ve been through, the thought still amazes me that we are the best of friends. I trust her… more than my own self. and I treasure her… more than my own life. Because she has been everything to me, to us.. And it kinda scares me… just thinking, how she might have felt at this very day without us personally being there to greet her. I am scared… of thinking she might not be happy… because i knew how it felt.. to celebrate your birthday without the people whom you wished were there beside you.

I love her so much.. and if only there’s a way for me to make her happy today, i would do it, no matter what and how it takes… but i guess, i would be talking about extraordinary powers so i better cut the crap..i will never learn to fly.

The only thing that i have here, right now with me, for her—
is one heartfelt prayer…
that she may be more than just happy…
more than just fine..
more than just okay.
and I’ll keep on praying that until the day we’ll be together again.

I know that God will keep her safe for always… and I know that though we can’t be there, she’ll always feel the love we’ll always have for her.
because God has set things in His ways we may never understand it’s full meaning until we’re done with our purposes. We just have to trust.. and to have faith.
After all… the reason above all these- is love.

So.. i wish… she’s happy.

happy birthday te!!! you’re being missed more than you’ll ever know.. so..we’ll both look forward to that very day.. that i can give you the warmest hug i’ve been dreading to do right now.

I love you, Te… God be our strength.